Inspired by Demetria

HAMJAMBO WATU WAZURI!

(Swahili for hello my beautiful people)

This time of the year is very difficult for men like myself. Not just because I’m incarcerated, but because i am a father. Fatherhood is something that i take very seriously. The role of a father in a child’s life is imperative to their growth and development. Therefore, the lack thereof can be detrimental. Let’s delve deeper into this subject matter and view it through the eyes of an incarcerated dad.

I am the proud father of two beautiful women. Demetria(31), and Jamyra who is now deceased(she would’ve turned 28 this year). The greatest of my creations in life thus far are these two beautiful creatures. I still remember the day Demetria was born. It was the best day of my life. I helped deliver her, and I cut the umbilical cord. We were inseparable for the first three years of her life. She was my first born, and only child at the time. I even named her after me(Demetrius/Demetria). She was my junior. When people saw us together, they couldn’t help but to bear witness to the bond, and undying love we have for one another.

I couldn’t have imagined that i would spend 28yrs and counting away from her, nor the impact it would have on the both of us. As for my daughter Jamyra, I discovered after 14 years of incarceration that she was my second child. That was also the best day of my life. Although I wasn’t present for her birth, or in her life for the first 14 years, I was there for the last three until her untimely death. I still feel robbed of the time i missed raising her, and the memories we would’ve created by now.

I spend many days kicking myself in the behind, for the decision I made that removed me from their lives. I’ve missed so many firsts with both of them. The birthdays, holidays, and teaching them how to do so many things. The daddy daughter dances, their proms, and most importantly, the quality time. A father’s role in his children lives is to give them the tools they’ll need to navigate life, and to be the example of what a man looks like. To his sons he should be their first idol. To his daughters he should be like their first boyfriend. He is the first man she falls in love with.

Therefore, he sets the standard on how she should be treated, and what characteristics to look for in the man she selects. My daughters received none of that from me. I gave it my best shot, but unfortunately, they suffered because of it. It’s painful watching your daughter’s go through heartbreaking, unfulfilling relationships trying to fill a void that is the size of you. Acting out sexually or violently and seeking to be validated. All because they yearn for your love and affection, your attention, and your time. It makes you feel like a failure.

There are many fathers who share my sentiments concerning this topic. In spite of all the limitations and restrictions, we do everything within our means to stay relevant in our children’s lives. I would like to give an honorable mention to an organization called, ‘One Day with God’. They pick approved Prisoner’s children up and bring them into the prison to spend an entire day with them. The day before, they’ll call the fathers out to put together gift bags of toys, games, and clothes which were purchased by the organization to give their children. It’s extremely difficult to parent from behind bars. I would like to encourage all incarcerated fathers to stay strong and never give up on your children. They cherish every letter, phone call, jpay email, and every hand maid card or gift you’ve ever sent them. Don’t get discouraged if they don’t write back or say thank you daddy.

Statistics have shown the impact that the absence of a father in a home has on his children (drug use, promiscuity, teenage pregnancy, school dropout, crime, prison). Therefore, there should be more of an incentive from the criminal justice system, and the department of corrections to institute programs that strengthens the bonds between a father and his children instead of tearing them apart. My daughter Demetria calls me her best friend and thinks I’m the greatest man who ever walked the face of this planet. It hasn’t been peaches and cream on this journey, but she knows how much love her, and that I’ll never stop fighting for this relationship.

I can’t express enough how much I regret the decisions i made that separated me from my children. To every father out there taking penitentiary chances to provide for your child/children, i won’t you think about what’s at risk once you either get killed or go to prison. This is an email that my daughter sent me conveying her thoughts and inner most feelings.

{Hi Daddy, I miss you so much! I would usually say that I need you, but I’ve become so immune to life without you. I either think I will not be okay until you are home, or I just need to stop thinking that I am nothing without you. But how am I to do that when I am you… just not the strong version. That irks me dad! It’s the thing that I struggle with. I’m thirty-one years old now, and I still feel you are such a high part of my heart. When I can’t talk to you, I’m lost. For my whole life I’ve been lost, but here are the things I’m sure of. I am the better version of you, so I will get there one day. You are the only person I trust literally besides my mom and my son. Twenty-eight years without you dad has been tough. I need help! Because, at the end of the day, ‘I DON’T KNOW ME!}

In closing I’d like to say that it’s true when they say there is nothing like a mother’s love. But it’s also true that there is nothing like a father’s love too.

This article was inspired by my daughter Demetria. Nakupenda Sana Me-Me (Swahili for I. love you very much)

All THE REAL FATHER’S STAND UP!

Respectfully Submitted by: Demetrius Brasher 234214

A.K.A. Muhammad The God!

Mpaka Halafu

(Swahili for until next time)

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